We’ve all been there – listening to someone while we are already crafting our response instead of truly hearing them. It’s natural, but it creates a barrier to real understanding. So, how do you bridge the gap? Shift your focus from the “what” to the “why.”
Why We Miss the Mark
Humans are emotional creatures. When faced with critique or conflict, we tend to react emotionally rather than rationally. Whether it’s a heated conversation or feedback on your work, the way things are said often overshadows what’s being communicated.
But here’s the truth: It’s not personal; it’s the problem at hand.
3 Ways to Stop Reacting and Start Understanding
- Pause Before Reacting
When receiving feedback, take a moment. Ask yourself:- Why is this feedback necessary?
- Could I be too attached to my work to see its flaws?
Instead of defending, seek clarity. Ask for examples or resources to improve.
- Listen to Understand, Not Respond
Just listen. Let the other person fully explain. People naturally shift from defense to explanation when they feel heard. Use this time to process their words and think of meaningful follow-up questions. - Tailor Feedback When Critiquing Others
Understand how the other person prefers to receive feedback.- Do they need written examples?
- Would they benefit from seeing how to fix the issue?
Communicate with empathy and solutions, not just problems.
The Key to Growth
When you focus on the “why”, you’ll realize that most conflicts and critiques aren’t personal. They’re about the issue, not you. By listening, reflecting, and asking thoughtful questions, you’ll build stronger connections and grow into a more effective communicator.
Next time you’re in a tough conversation, remember: Don’t just hear the “what”—seek the “why.”
What strategies do you use to stay calm and focused during tough conversations? Share below—I’d love to hear your thoughts!
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